stand-up-comic-gifs:

He’s just mad because he can’t acquire all the apple juice that I’m acquiring. (x)

urbancatfitters:

you had me at “hello” and you lost me at “i think your friend is cute”

staff:

fake-mermaid:

i’m so sorry but if you have “works at tumblr” on your facebook profile no hard feelings man but stay as far away from me as u possibly can

rude

plot twist: you wake up for school fully rested and ready to socialize
xorestesfastingx:

chae-min:

"Help, I’ve fallen glamorously and I can’t get up ;]"

All of the other mannequins look like they’re so sick of his shit."God damn it, Jerry’s at it again.

xorestesfastingx:

chae-min:

"Help, I’ve fallen glamorously and I can’t get up ;]"

All of the other mannequins look like they’re so sick of his shit.

"God damn it, Jerry’s at it again.

santinabobina:

freebatchisthenewjohnlock:

sub-sequent:

happiest:

do u ever wonder if anyone else in the world is listening to the exact same song as you and on the exact same lyric as you 

no.. I am already familiar with the concept of FM radio

how to ruin a hispter post in less than 32 sec

Everyone else at the club.

littlekiwi37:

bubblydictcumberbath:

this show i swear to god

THIS IS THE LEAST BLATANT, BUT THE FUNNIEST, BACK TO THE FUTURE REFERENCE IN THE SHOW

sherlocksmyth:

johanna mason literally said “fuck you” to president snow but he’s like “oh shit katniss done made herself a bird”

nodaybuttodaytodefygravity:

All hail the reigning queens of 2014

brydeswhale:

tefltwins:

lesbeeanmovie:

greencarnations:

cinematicsymphony:

This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.

CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:

  • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
  • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
  • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
  • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
  • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
  • works every time

"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really  annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

@

DO NOT MAKE THE COMMENT ABOUT CUTTING IT OFF UNLESS YOU ARE SURE THE CHILD IS DEVELOPMENTALLY READY FOR THAT REMARK. VERY YOUNG CHILDREN AND LITERALLY MINDED PEOPLE WILL BE FRIGHTENED.

lightspeedsound:

avante-gardeian:

squigglydigg:

notasamalander:

noxtheox:

Let’s get down to business.

To outbid the huns!
Here I have some figures
and some facts and sums!

It’s the saddest lot you’ve ever bought
but if you bet on this one too
Mister I’ll
make you a buck
or two

Business man!We must be swift as the stock exchangesBusiness man!With all the force of a great tycoon 
Business man!
With all the strength of a thriving market
Mysterious as the Romney’s revenues!

I’m never gonna get this back
Say good bye to my salary 
Boy was I fool in school for cutting STATS
This guy’s got them scared to death
Hope he doesn’t see my assets 
Now I really wish I knew how to add! 

lightspeedsound:

avante-gardeian:

squigglydigg:

notasamalander:

noxtheox:

Let’s get down to business.

To outbid the huns!

Here I have some figures

and some facts and sums!

It’s the saddest lot you’ve ever bought

but if you bet on this one too

Mister I’ll

make you a buck

or two

Business man!
We must be swift as the stock exchanges
Business man!
With all the force of a great tycoon 

Business man!

With all the strength of a thriving market

Mysterious as the Romney’s revenues!

I’m never gonna get this back

Say good bye to my salary 

Boy was I fool in school for cutting STATS

This guy’s got them scared to death

Hope he doesn’t see my assets 

Now I really wish I knew how to add!